Have you ever gotten irritated or frustrated when someone asked you to do something that you were already going to do? It seems so petty. But I do this… like a lot. 😬 And I’ve never really understood why. 🤔 What difference does it really make if I’m just taking the initiative to do something or if someone is politely making the suggestion, without realizing I was already intending to do it?

I mean it’s not like my husband has inadvertently ruined his own surprise party by asking me to make a credit card payment I had already made a note to pay. It’s not like the coworker who asks me to call EVS about a spill, while I’m already dialing the number about that same spill is trying to be patronizing or condescending. And let’s be real. I don’t care how close we are or how long you’ve known me. No one can read my mind. 👀 Literally nobody has any idea what the circus of hamsters is doing on their tiny wheels in inside my head at any given moment. 🐹 I can barely keep up. 😂

But that’s neither here nor there. 🙃

The weird, unsettling aggravation from someone asking you to do something, especially if you were already going to do it, or in the process of said activity, stems from something called Psychological Reactance. 👩🏻‍🏫 It’s REALLY prevalent in adolescence. 🤓 And it’s something a lot of us need to explore. 🧐

Basically, when we feel like our competence, independence, or freedom is questioned or threatened, we’re compelled to respond with disdain and/or rebellion. Now, as a teenager, that all works out fine{ish}. Depending on who you ask. 😏

Because as a teenager, Mom might say something like, “Cody, please start a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher, and take out the trash before I get back from grocery shopping.” If Cody was already planning to do those things to help or surprise Mom and she didn’t realize it, he might be slightly offended or resentful that Mom robbed him of the opportunity to prove he could do things without being told or reminded. As a result he might react by grunting, groaning, and doing a less than stellar job. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the end, Mom would be a little upset, and he might lose a privilege or two, but she would continue to love, feed, shelter, and care for him.

As an adult, on the other hand, rebellion doesn’t really work. The consequences are much greater. 😵‍💫 I mean, I could pout and ignore the credit card payment, but then I’m hit with late fees and interest and what not. And if I rebel against a reasonable request at work, aside from having to come to terms with the fact that I’d be behaving like a selfish, spoiled child, 👎🏻 I could put someone in danger, get written up, get fired, or all of the above. 🙈

Interestingly, I’m not just the victim of these situations. I’m also frequently an aggressor. 🙊 I know, I know!

You would think, as someone who routinely reminds other people to do things they may have already been doing or had on their list, I’d be able to give a little grace. 🥴 I told you we needed to explore this. 💁🏻‍♀️

So, here’s the thing. In order to stop feeling attacked when someone makes a request, you need to do a couple things.

1.) You have to take some personal responsibility. Remember how we were talking about people not being able to read my mind. Well, they can’t read yours either. So, take a few minutes to let people know what you’re planning to do. Instead of, “Stop nagging me about getting my eyes checked. I scheduled the exam for Tuesday.” Try, “Hey, I’m calling this afternoon to schedule an appointment to get my eye exam, I’ll let you know when the appointment is.” Or if you’re a teenager, instead of, “Ugh! Stop hounding me. I was gonna do the dishes after my show. Jeez.” {And let’s be honest, were you? 🤨} WELL BEFORE the time comes, try, “I’ll do the dishes tonight so you can relax. But do you mind if I watch ‘Never Have I Ever’ first?” Or whatever you guys watch… I’m sorry. I’m old. I have no idea. 😑

2.) You have to honestly consider some of the reasons why people guide, direct, and remind you about things.

• Anxiety: (Controlling your behavior reduces their worries. e.g. helicopter parents.😰)

• Perfectionism: (“I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong, but can I just show you the *right* way?” 😏)

• Ego/Self Importance: (I’m superior to you and I need you to acknowledge it. See mansplaining. 🙄)

• Genuine Concern & Helpfulness: The person wants to prevent you from incurring a penalty or punishment or losing time (like when a fellow nursing student casually sends you a reminder the night before big assignments are due. 🙋🏻‍♀️) {Anyone on the receiving end of this one, please don’t block me. 😬}

• They’ve “Seen Your Work”: If you have any history, large or small, recent or ancient, of missing or forgetting things, they might think you will always need some extra help. If you work at this, you can prove yourself, but it may take a long time. 🕰

Regardless of their reason for asking, prompting, or reminding, when you get upset, you’re reacting on presumptions that they’re questioning your abilities and/or threatening your freedom of choice.

If you do a little conscious work and reframe things, you’ll find that the majority of the time, that’s not the case.

Instead, you have to train yourself to respond, rather than reacting.

This could be as simple as saying, “Thanks, it’s already on my list.” Or “Great minds think alike. I’m already on it.” Alternatively, if it seems like it IS a negative situation, probe a little deeper. “Why are you reminding me to do something I’ve scheduled on my calendar and consistently done in the past. Has something changed?”

Perhaps something has changed. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe there’s a new due date or something. Maybe the person reminding you is anxious about forgetting things and projecting that onto you.

I won’t lie, though. There’s also a slim chance they’re actually alluding to your incompetence, as you suspected. 😒 But it’s the exception, not the rule. 😉 Either way, it’s better to evaluate things and respond accordingly than to react {or overreact} to unconfirmed presumptions.

There’s a lot less seething rage bubbling beneath your surface, raising your blood pressure and trying to give you an ulcer or a heart attack that way. 🫀

Normal is a weird, extremely subjective thing. Certain ideas or activities I believe are perfectly ‘normal’ could be completely bizarre to other people and vice versa.

But here’s the thing, how would you ever know? If a belief or thought was passed down for generations, and it had never come into question, how would you know? 🤔

Unless someone with a different perspective mentioned it or asked about it, you wouldn’t. Now, before you guys try to launch an investigation to uncover bodies buried in my family’s backyard or some other such atrocity, please save your energy. I promise, we’re really not that intriguing. 😂

But give me a minute to explain this ‘normal’ I was raised with that I’m still struggling to overcome. Maybe you can even relate. ☺️

Like a lot of people, I was taught a lot of well-intentioned childhood lessons that somehow got misconstrued or just totally went awry. For instance, I struggle with making eye contact, being assertive, and really just taking up any space, 😬 because I was taught so many things were impolite. I never participated in any sort of athletics and couldn’t wear certain things because it wasn’t “ladylike.” 🙄

But what I’m currently having an issue with is something I hadn’t even noticed until recently.

I’m a fairly upbeat, positive person. I make my share of sarcastic or cynical comments, but that’s one of my coping mechanisms to deflect when things are getting too serious and uncomfortable. 🙃 {Think of it like a love language. 😘} But mostly, I try to see the sunshine through the clouds and look for rainbows after the storms. 🌈

I’m the first one to encourage other people and tell them how amazing they are or how awesome they’re going to do. But I also use a lot of negative self talk. Which is a really big issue. Because while I have incredibly supportive friends and family, 🙌🏻 that inner voice is the one that’s loudest. 😕

It’s really become noticeable when I prepare to take an exam. It seems like everyone can make the declaration that they are going to do well on the exam… everyone, but me. 🙈

It doesn’t make any difference how much I’ve studied, how prepared I feel, or how well I’ve done on other assignments or exams. Under no circumstances can I utter those words. 👀

Why? Because I was taught, from a very young age, that in making such statements, not only was I making other people feel bad or inadequate, but I was also being boastful. 🧐 I was to always be modest about my skills, knowledge, and abilities. No one ever differentiated between boasting and self affirmation. But they were very clear that boasting or bragging would be swiftly punished. And let me tell you, that was horrifying. 😰

It’s a good thing I’m an adult now and not the least bit superstitious or irrational. I’m now well aware that nothing will happen from speaking these things. 😆

But also,

and hear me out… 👀

Like, what if it does? 🤯

What if insinuating that I might be prepared for and actually do well on a test I’m about to take angers the entire universe and irreversibly sets in motion a course of events that none of us has ever experienced or prepared to face? 😱

How does one recover from that? I’ve gotta level with you. 2020 and 2021 have been just awful. 😳 What if it’s even worse than that? 🥴 Could you imagine? 😱

For all of our continued wellbeing and safety, I think I’ll just stay the course. But thanks for listening. 👍🏻

I’ve addressed some concerns about vaccines. I’ve discussed the origins of some well-known conspiracy theories. But I want to talk about something else that’s been bothering me lately.

I know everyone has different reasons for taking various precautions or not, wearing a mask or not, getting the vaccine or not, taking this #pandemic seriously or not. That’s your right and your privilege. Your reasons are your own. I’m not here to debate that with you. It’s not the topic of this post.

Today, I want to talk about #FaithOverFear and how using that ideology as a justification for NOT taking appropriate measures against a VERY REAL, VERY DEADLY #virus is one of the most egocentric and counterintuitive arguments.

Not only does it effectively absolve a person of any responsibility to protect themselves or others, it also completely disregards the hundreds of thousands of individuals who have DIED or are currently fighting FOR THEIR LIVES, who may ALSO have or have had unshakable faith. It’s like saying your faith is greater or somehow more worthy than theirs. Which is incredibly audacious and contemptuous.

You can have faith in God and still care about others. If I’m not mistaken, that’s a pretty big deal to him. I remember something about loving your neighbor. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Is that still a thing, or nah?

I know everything happens for a reason. But I also believe that sometimes that reason is because people are selfish and have no regard for human life. Do your part. It’s not hard.

I said what I said.

I’m sure a lot of people are sick of my posts lately. Because they’re not my usual lighthearted, sarcastic, and comical posts. And I’m very sorry. I’ve been on my soapbox a lot lately. Because I’m tired. So very tired. Tired of conspiracy theories, half-truths, and blatant lies. People 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 dying 👏🏻 at 👏🏻 an 👏🏻 alarming 👏🏻 rate! 👏🏻

But some people care more about disproving reports from scientists and medical professionals and trying to convince themselves and others that the reality we are seeing and experiencing simply DOES NOT EXIST. It is heartbreaking. It is disgusting. And it is physically, mentally, and emotionally EXHAUSTING.

So, I started wondering, what happened to us? How did we get here? In the age of technology, with a world of information at our fingertips, why are we drowning in a sea of misinformation— and disinformation?

It actually started very small. Did you know that just 12 people (known as The ‘Disinformation Dozen‘) are responsible for authoring approximately 65% of the misleading claims, debunked myths, and outright lies about vaccines and other popular conspiracy theories that proliferate on social media? 🤯

But why? Who are these people? And what are their motives? 🤔 They are self proclaimed activists, pseudoscience entrepreneurs, osteopathic & homeopathic specialists, chiropractors, and one is even an OB/GYN. Motives: $$$ – They pedal a variety of books, videos, courses, dietary supplements, and other merchandise that just doesn’t sell as well when we don’t buy into their claims.

Their main complaint when their content is flagged or an account is removed for violating guidelines? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not that they’re worried about public welfare. It’s that the loss of their ‘donate’ or ‘buy now’ buttons is costing them hundreds of thousands of dollars. 😒

These individuals are very clever. Their information usually begins with a fragment of truth. One of their favorite sources may surprise you. It’s VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System), run by the United States Health and Human Services. This factual database tracks ALL adverse events related to vaccines. The literal purpose of the database is public transparency. To help consumers make informed decisions.

Contrary to popular belief, no one is trying to hide vaccine side effects, injuries or adverse reactions. They are all public record, available for anyone to view.

So, this real and accurate information is one source, per se’… But much like playing telephone, what was originally published scarcely resembles what gets posted and shared, and the longer it circulates, the less truth there is.

This is where the controversial social media campaigns began. They started to fact-check, remove content, add disclaimers to posts, and even temporarily or permanently ban accounts in an effort to combat a secondary pandemic: misinformation.

Now, you might be thinking it’s wrong to censor people just because they disagree with you. What about the first amendment? I hear you. Really, I do. So please hear me. This is NOT about a difference of opinion. Let me explain.

I don’t like coffee. {Sorry} Lot’s of people think coffee is amazing. That’s their OPINION. Do you see how neither of us agreeing or disagreeing about that is in any way harmful to anyone? {save for the stock prices at Starbucks} I am also a cat person. Some people prefer the company of dogs, birds, fish, rabbits, gerbils, Guinea pigs, sugar gliders, lizards, snakes, questionably obtained exotic pets, or an assortment of other creatures. Pet, feed, cuddle, and spoil whatever makes you happy. {I respectfully request that you do not introduce it to me if it has a forked tongue, 🦎 more than 4 legs 🕷 or less than 2. 🐍 😬} I also don’t care whether you’re a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent, or voted for Kanye. 🤷🏻‍♀️

See? But the more I read, the more I get the feeling that a lot of people were either out sick or just not paying attention the day they covered facts vs. opinions. So, here’s a little refresher. By definition, an opinion is 1.) a belief or judgment that rests on grounds INSUFFICIENT TO PRODUCE CERTAINTY. 2.) a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

An opinion CANNOT be right or wrong. Because it’s subjective, based entirely on personal preferences, beliefs, and feelings. If you heard someone tell a kid he was wrong because he said his favorite color was green. You’d be like, “How’s he wrong? That’s his opinion. Take a lap, Jim Bob.” Because that’s not how opinions work.

So, I hope you understand when I tell you I do not care if we share the same opinions. It’s great to have things in common with other people. But I don’t expect or want to live in a boring echo chamber, where everyone thinks exactly like me on every matter. That sounds dreadful. How would we ever learn or grow if we were all surrounded by people who just blindly agreed about everything and there were no alternative perspectives to consider?

I welcome civil conversation, open dialogue, differing thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. We can have professional relationships, and close friendships, despite and often because of diverse opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. That’s our right. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

But we also need to realize that none of us exists in a vacuum. One person’s rights END where another’s BEGIN. Thus, what I do NOT feel we are entitled to do is share OPINIONS that can endanger other people because they’ve been MISREPRESENTED as facts.

Moreover, the First Amendment is designed to further the pursuit of TRUTH, not to protect those who willfully and egregiously engage in slander or libel, especially those who display actual malice by knowingly publishing false information or publishing information with reckless disregard for the truth.

So, when doing research to decide if the vaccine or ANYTHING ELSE is the right choice for you, please consider the source of the information you reference, as well as its credibility and motivations. And look at facts, rather than opinions. 💗

Can we talk about my warped ADHD brain and the strange, winding paths it takes me down, for a few minutes? 🤨

Yesterday, I got a confirmation about some funds being deposited in the next day or so. So, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I thought I would login to see if the money was in my account to offset the unsettling cost of my textbooks these days. 🥴 It wasn’t. 😝

But thinking about money immediately made my brain, in her infinite wisdom, sing, “Wait till I get my money right.” From Kanye’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothing.” 😂

From there, Brain was like, “Hmm, I wonder how ole Kanye is doing since his mental health episode last year.” 🤔 So, Brain and I googled him. Unfortunately, in the 0.000038 seconds it took for the results to be retrieved, Brain had already lost interest. 🙄

Brain was now thinking about a different celebrity’s mental health: Britney Spears. Of course, Brain and I googled he. Now Google is quick, but apparently not quite quick enough. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Because in the 0.000024 seconds it took to fetch Britney’s progress with her conservatorship, Brain had started wandering off like an unsupervised kid at Disneyland. 🤯

Now, Brain was reminiscing about our youth. Those glorious carefree days when our hair was full of butterfly clips and Britney was at the top of her game. 🥰 So Brain started singing “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” And let me tell you, if Brain were within reach, I would have. 😒

But then, Brain caught a glimpse of our reflection and was like, “Wait, why are we naked?”🤔 Reminding me that I actually came here to take a freaking shower. 🚿 And finally, around 40 minutes after I walked into the bathroom, I did. 🤪

This type of thing is not that unusual for me. Which is why I want to make a public statement. If anything ever happens to prompt forensic analysts to delve into my search history, please know that I was mostly normal, but I was also at the mercy of an easily distracted, rabbit hole chasing brain. 🧠

It’s summertime. I’ve been trying to use this little break from required learning to mindfully focus on my personal flexibility. Not physically. I’m still the potato-shaped individual you know and love. 😁 But mentally. 😌

Because, let’s face it, as a perfection-seeking neurotic, who tries to plan for every detail, large or small, I have a very hard time with a lot of things, 😬 unless I can somehow convince myself that I’ve specifically calculated and accounted for every potential eventuality in which the wheels might come off my wagon. ☝️

It’s exhausting. It’s illogical, and, as you may have noticed, it hasn’t always served me well. 😝 But it’s a carefully crafted, cherished coping mechanism I’ve honed over the years. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m like the toddler with her blanket. It may be 108° outside. It might not be convenient or practical. It actually may be causing more harm than good. 🥵 But try to take it and I’ll fight you. 👊🏻

Here’s the thing, though… I am well aware that no matter how much of my time, energy, and effort is devoted to making my plans, crossing each perfect ‘t’ and dotting every immaculate ‘i’… sometimes, no amount of planning or prepping, and no number of beautifully organized binders filled with color-coded tabs, fancy stickers, or pretty little lists, even when accompanied by my ever-present cat-themed caddy of assorted pens and markers, can ensure that things will go according to plan. 😭

It takes me a while to make peace with these things. And it takes a lot of intentional work and redirection. But I’m working on it and you guys have always been an extraordinary support system. 💖

So, as I’ve just learned the construction at work will be limiting our use of the elevators soon, I know you’ll understand if I just go on sabbatical and see you all around Christmas. 🙃 Love to you all. Happy Holidays! 🎅

I floated outside my unit today and met some phenomenal people, one of whom gave me some incredible advice.

We all know that in health care, {or most any industry, really} you have to be flexible. 🤷🏻‍♀️ {Even if you’re an uptight perfection-seeking nursing student. You at least need to *pretend* to be. 😝}

Things change constantly. It can be a little frustrating. Sometimes it feels like you just get used to something and “they” are ready to change it. 😩 A touch of revised policy and a dab of fresh protocol, sprinkle in some extra steps and then a hint of seemingly unnecessary details, for garnish, and Voilà! Grab a spoon an enjoy this new recipe. It’s called Workflow à la Crème. Why tho?!?! 😤🤯😭

Well, I was hanging out with my patient when her nurse came in to give her some meds. She mentioned that she would be in there for a little while if I needed a break. I declined. But I told her to let me know if I was in the way or if I could do anything to help her.

Now if you’re not in health care, you might think a med pass sounds pretty simple. But it’s actually really tedious and stressful. There are so many steps! And so much at stake. 🤯

I admitted to her that I was still intimidated by all that it entails, especially since it seems like more steps are being added all the time. 😰 She laughed and told me something that totally shifted my perspective about policies and procedures, and the constant changes in health care.

She said, “When it seems like ‘they’ take a perfectly good policy or procedure and rewrite it or over complicate it and it doesn’t even make since anymore, don’t look for a loophole or workaround. Instead, take a breath and say to yourself, ‘They must know something I don’t.’”😯

That really made me think. The previous way may have increased a risk somewhere that wasn’t blatantly obvious to most of us. Or worse, maybe it resulted in actual harm to a patient. 🥺 Perhaps the old way used supplies that have been discontinued or that aren’t available or sustainable. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Or maybe the old way was just OLD and hadn’t kept up with advancements in technology and medicine. 🤐

Whatever the reason, the point is that no one is out here making changes just for change sake. Even if I don’t always know or fully understand why, I need to remember that an immense amount of time, energy, and resources goes into each and every detail. Also, if I’m truly concerned and not just being salty and whining about personal inconvenience, I can always ask for a rationale. 🤓

So, next time you’re blindsided by some change that seems silly or unnecessary, go ahead and roll your eyes and audibly sigh if you feel the need. 😆 But afterward, just tell yourself, ‘They must know something I don’t.’ 😉