I’m Not Like The Others

Have you ever wondered if you were too old or too overweight or too out of shape or if you were too introverted or had too many learning difficulties or other mental health challenges to to go to nursing school? I’d like to offer my unique perspective. I struggled with many of these questions when I was deciding if I should apply to nursing school and I’ve been thinking about them a lot as I begin my final semester.

Most people are pretty kind. They want to be positive and upbeat. What kind of friend wants to kill your vibe and crush your dreams. So, when you ask for advice, they typically sound like motivational posters. 😝

They reference quotes about doing anything you set your mind to or believing in yourself.

Which is great. 👍🏻 Except I was looking for specifics. 😂 Like super targeted specifics from an advanced Google search with quotation marks and Boolean operators. 👀 Okay. FINE! 😤 I was looking for a real, live introverted, potato-shaped person 🥔 like me, who was over 30 and had ADHD and OCD, but had somehow managed to crack the code, sneak through, and successfully complete nursing school, to give me the play by play of her experience. Apparently, it was a big ask. Maybe because there’s not anyone who meets all the criteria. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Still, while I might be the only one EXACTLY like me, I’m certainly not the only atypical nursing student, nor should I be. Why? Because representation matters.

I want the nonathletic girl who is curious about the way her body works, to feel just as confident asking questions as the girl who worked her butt off to be the one at the top of the pyramid cheering her heart out. I want the single mom of 2, who always wanted to be a nurse, but thinks it’s too late, to know she can still achieve her dream. I want the transgender woman who finds a lump in one of her breasts to feel comfortable making an appointment without fear that no one will take her concerns seriously or that she will be misgendered.

As a larger person, I’ve put off seeking medical treatment numerous times for fear of judgment and discrimination. To be fair, my anxiety does tend to generate some absurd scenarios. 🤔 But occasionally, they’re rooted in reality.

When I was 26, a particularly foul OB/GYN told me there was no need for a biopsy after an abnormal PAP smear. 😰 Apparently, if I would lose at least 30 pounds, female issues usually resolved on their own. 🤨

I have friends and loved ones who are members of the LGBTQ+ community, 🏳️‍🌈 as well as some who have struggled with addiction or some form of mental illness. They also find it difficult to face the stigmas often associated with medical help. Something shouldn’t have to HAPPEN to us for us to care about it, and yet it can be difficult for someone who hasn’t been in your position to understand you or see past a certain characteristic.

Returning to the earlier questions, the short answer is no. Absolutely not. You are NOT too overweight, old, different, or whatever. If you are willing to devote the time, energy, and effort to learning, studying, and challenging yourself, you can definitely succeed in nursing school. 😊

BUT… ☝️

It will be demanding. And I don’t mean in the traditional way that nursing school is demanding. Nursing school is NEVER easy. It doesn’t matter if you were born into a family of medical professionals who groomed you to dual-enroll and start nursing school while in high school or if it is your second of third career and you’re starting after your kids went off to college.

The reality is: It 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 really 👏🏻 tough. It has to be. 💁🏻‍♀️ It is not to prepare you for a clinical experience, an assignment, or an exam. It is to prepare you for the day when you are the only thing standing between your patient and the grave.

It requires a commitment OUTSIDE the classroom and clinical setting of AT LEAST 2-4 hours a day for assignments, studying, skills practice, and NCLEX review questions {that you should be doing as soon as you begin the nursing program. 😵‍💫}

But none of this is usually a surprise to most people. Fortunately, when you start considering nursing school, there are plenty of friends, instructors, and advisors who will give you honest answers about what kind of commitment is expected for a *normal* student. 🤓

UNfortunately, if you fall into one or more of the aforementioned categories that had you second-guessing your decision to apply to nursing school, there are also some not so normal challenges that no one really mentions. 😪 I want to talk about these things, because I think it’s important to have a complete conversation.

No one tells you that you might need to go over a concept 3-4 times more— and in 3-4 different ways, than a traditional student. 📚 Give yourself grace. Try not to be disappointed in yourself or feel like you aren’t doing your best. I won’t lie. It sucks to feel like everyone else just gets things. It sucks to feel like your brain is a mushy, lumpy glob of Jell-o, just living its best life and not helping you with this really hard stuff. But 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 will 👏🏻 get 👏🏻 there. 👏🏻

Don’t focus on everyone else. Just focus on you and lumpy. 🧠 She’s slow, but she’ll get there. If that means you’re watching Every. Single. YouTube video on the topic until you find one that makes it make sense, then so be it. And when you strike gold, SAVE THAT CHANNEL! 😎

Another thing no one talks about is how much more physically painful and demanding this may be for you if you’re an older and/or larger person. 😑 You will ask yourself, “What is happening? Why does this hurt? Am I dying?” No. You’re not dying. It only feels like it. You will survive this. But you will have muscle aches in places you didn’t even know you had muscles. 🤯 There will be days when you get home and you can barely move. It will be incredibly humbling when an elderly neighbor who wears a Life Alert pendant 🚨 asks if you need assistance as you crawl out of your car like a sloth with 2 broken legs. 🦥 Just smile your best smile and assure him you’re fine. 👍🏻 With any luck, he won’t call the police to perform a welfare check. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Stay hydrated, soak joints in Epsom salts, use your heating pad as necessary, and take some ibuprofen {as directed, your liver will thank you. 🙏🏻}

People joke about the ‘introvert hangover.’ But it’s a legitimate thing. To help during busy clinical days, take your breaks in your car, at the library, or somewhere else you can decompress alone, if you’re allowed. Alternatively, bring your earbuds and zone out or study in the cafeteria. It helps recharge your introvert batteries a bit before you go back to the floor. 😉

There’s also a mental and emotional aspect to patient care. No one mentions {maybe they don’t realize} how re-traumatizing it can be, as a survivor of rape and/or abuse, to encounter patients who have been raped or abused— or patients who are *perpetrators* of such acts. 🥴 Yes, they deserve your empathy, compassion, and respect, too. 🥺 Take a couple extra minutes to gather yourself if you need it. 😮‍💨

Finally, there’s the impact nursing school can have on your personal relationships with those around you. If you’re lucky, you will be surrounded by wonderful friends and family who want you to be successful. But even the most supportive people can grow weary from the commitment and their role in your pursuit. It’s really easy to *say* “I’ll support you while you go through this.” But not everyone is mentally or emotionally prepared for what that offer truly entails. Some start nursing school in what they feel is a happy marriage and graduate while going through a divorce due to the intense pressure and stress on tiny fractures that may have already been developing. Others develop stronger connections *because* of {or in spite of} it. As you mature, grow, and learn more about yourself, you might even find you aren’t the person you were before. Which makes it difficult to maintain the same relationships— romantic or platonic.

I don’t know that anything or anyone can prepare you for the level of self discovery you’ll experience in nursing school. It can be frightening and sometimes even a bit lonely. But it’s also incredibly cathartic.

The bottom line is, when you feel yourself starting to panic because you’re not like the perfect picture in your mind of what a nursing student or a nurse should be, STAHP!

You don’t need to fit into a perfect little box to be a great nurse. Patients don’t fit into prefect little boxes and they don’t need need caregivers who do either. They need caregivers who have compassion and empathy. They need caregivers who are human and imperfect, just like they are. They don’t need an idealized personification of what some antiquated source decided a nurse should be. They need YOU! And don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. ❤️‍🩹💖💗

Commencing Level 4

I’m starting 4th semester in a few days. The last semester of nursing school. 😯 You may be wondering how it feels. Um, it feels… uh… well… it feels simultaneously exciting, astonishing, and HORRIFYING. 🙃

Are you familiar with imposter syndrome? Most days, I’m like, “How on earth did they let me get this far? I have learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Is it possible that I somehow know LESS than when I started!?!? Am I losing brain mass? Should I schedule another scan? And also, what if everyone figures out I’m a fraud— a mushy, lumpy, shrinking brain fraud?” 😰

Fortunately, I also have moments of reassuring lucidity to snap me out of my fog. Someone will ask a question or I’ll be reading or watching something and suddenly I’m like, “Hey! I KNOW this.” or “OK, so we’re all just supposed to pretend that guy is intubated with an Albuterol nebulizer?”🧐

Yes, Albuterol is a wonder drug. Cures anything.

Still, it’s all very surreal and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. 😳 It’s getting really close to graduation— and the NCLEX. 🙈 In around 6 months {depending on how long it takes to get a spot for the NCLEX AND assuming I pass on my 1st attempt 😬}, I’ll be in orientation to take my own patients… like a real, live grownup nurse. 😲

Subsequently, I just have one question… ☝️

Who signed off on that? 🤨 I’d like to schedule a meeting with them… Post-haste. Nothing too intense. I just think we should chat because I still have some concerns. 😵‍💫

Send help.

Failure to Communicate

I’m sorry. But I’m just gonna say it. Mental and behavioral health in our society is a dumpster fire. 🔥 It is a travesty of human dignity and anyone who tries to argue otherwise is lying out of their lying liar hole and I hope their pants literally catch on fire. 👖🔥 #NotSorry 😒

As a nurse, I want to be able to help people by providing the best care and resources. That’s going to mean, in part, asking difficult questions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions and misinterpretations in healthcare and mental health. So, what if patients don’t completely answer my questions? 😲 More importantly, what if they only *think* they know what I mean?

What if I told you that the majority of us only have a very superficial understanding of mental health and self injurious tendencies? 😳 With so much stigma and fear surrounding mental health, is that really such a surprise?

Let’s discuss.

Self injury or self-harm sounds pretty self explanatory. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It refers to the deliberate act of inflicting pain and damage to one’s own body. This is most commonly associated with cutting, 🔪 burning, 🔥 scratching, 🪒 one’s body or other form of external injury. 😢 At least, those are the manifestations with which we’re most familiar.

With me so far? Awesome. But hang on, it actually goes much deeper than that. Keep reading.👇🏻

Self-harm can also be internal or emotional. ❤️‍🩹 There are numerous behaviors that pose significant short-term risks or long-term, potentially permanent or even deadly consequences. Yet many of us do not associate them with self-harm. 🤔 This is a huge problem. 😱

Incredibly vulnerable people who are engaging in some of the most destructive behavior, when asked if they are having thoughts of, or currently acting on impulses of harming themselves, will say, “No.” 😨

This is not because they’re being intentionally vague or disingenuous. But because they’ve never known self-harm to be anything except cutting or other visible damage. (Thanks for the super broad perspective, networks who brought us the defibrillator shock to treat asystole and ultra realistic physicians who never need to consult any other specialists before performing virtually any procedure. 🙄)

So, what are some of these lesser known harmful actions I mention? I’m glad you asked. 🙃

You’ve probably known someone who has exhibited some of these behaviors. You just didn’t know it at the time.

Have you ever known a young girl or woman, maybe in college, high school, or even middle school, with a reputation for sleeping with a lot of people? What about a guy who had a reputation for drinking so much that he transformed into a completely different person and/or made himself physically ill? Ever known someone who drove really recklessly, weaving in and out of traffic, 25, 35, 40 miles, or more over the speed limit, particularly when they were upset? Maybe you were always amazed they never had an accident… or maybe you remember the day they weren’t so lucky. 😔 How about someone who punched trees or banged their head against walls?

Some of the most risky behaviors that we tend to NOT associate with self-harm include participating in unsafe sex, 🛌 consuming toxic amounts of drugs 💉 or alcohol, 🍻 extremes in eating, such as starving one’s self 🦴 or binge eating 🤢 {with or without inducing vomiting or abusing laxatives/diuretics to purge}, compulsive hair pulling 💇🏻or skin picking, 🤏🏻 punching, kicking, or head butting trees, walls, or other objects,💥🥊 and even unreasonably excessive exercise.🚴

Studies have shown that around 15% of teens and as many as 35% of college students have inflicted self-harming behaviors. Of those, about 1 in 3 are known to ALSO cut themselves. About 30% who participate in bingeing behavior {with or without purging} also cut themselves or practice another form of self-harm behavior.

My point? These things are a lot more common than most of us realize. 🥺

Still, if you’ve never felt or acted on these kinds of urges, you may be wondering why someone would engage in such behavior. Is it an attempt to die by suicide, a cry for help, attention seeking, or a form of manipulation? 🤨 The short answer is D.) None of the Above.

While accidents can certainly happen, self-harm, in and of itself, is not a suicide attempt. Individuals who engage in these behaviors typically do not express any desire to end their lives. And although these individuals may desperately NEED or WANT help, they usually won’t ask or tell anyone what they’re going through. They may be ashamed or afraid. They may believe they are a lost cause, beyond the point of being helped or that they’ll be burdening someone.

And as for attention seeking or manipulation…🤨🤦🏻‍♀️ *sprays with spray bottle*🚿 No. Just no. 🙎🏻‍♀️

They usually do everything in their power to HIDE these feelings and behaviors, even from the people who mean the most to them. Perhaps… 🤔 I don’t know… because people ask questions like, “Is this attention seeking behavior or manipulation?” 🤷🏻‍♀️

For an individual who has experienced trauma or is struggling with a deep internal conflict, self-harm meets a need. For many, the physical pain inflicted by self-injurious behavior serves as a temporary distraction or numbs emotional pain they’re experiencing. For some it is a form of punishment in response to intense feelings of shame or guilt. Others explain that they are numb to emotions and resort to self-harm in an effort to feel SOMETHING, even pain, fear, and self-loathing. 😞

This often leads to a vicious, self-destructive cycle. For instance, an individual may be experiencing anxiety and feel the only way to cope is through the short-lived physical connection to another human being, albeit a stranger from the internet. The encounter provides temporary distraction, comfort, and relief. However, after the instant gratification dissipates, there are immense feelings of shame, disgust, and guilt. Subsequently, to cope with these new uncomfortable feelings, the individual may turn to cutting or burning themselves to temporarily escape or manifest their self-loathing.

In essence, maladaptive behaviors are the only way they know to express, change, or suppress negative or overpowering emotions. Individuals who engage in self-harm may be unable to effectively verbalize and process emotions, leading them to use their bodies for expression.

These individuals also have a propensity to exhibit body dissatisfaction or dysmorphia, low self image or self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and emptiness, impulsiveness, and cognitive distortions or self-criticism.

To help this vulnerable population, we have to stop stigmatizing and recognize and address underlying causes such as depression, impulsiveness, low self-esteem, abuse, poverty, homelessness, and family dysfunction and conflict. Then we can collaborate with these individuals to develop healthier coping strategies and a network of support and empathy.

But before we can ever get there, we have to take the time to make sure people understand exactly what we’re asking when we ask about self-harm. Because some of the deepest scars aren’t visible.

High Road U-Turns

Chuck says I’m always starting 💩. An assertion I maintain is offensive and blatantly false. 😵 I am NOT always starting 💩! What I am always doing, is sitting on yellow, waiting for OTHER people to start 💩. 💁🏻‍♀️ #TeamDefense

We went shopping yesterday. I loathe shopping. I prefer to do it online, because… people. 😑 But I’ve been suffering through pain attacks from my trigeminal neuralgia this week and apparently, it would do me some good to get out of the house. 🙄 Plus, he lured me out by offering to go shopping for craft supplies. 🤩 Just imagine a cartoon mouse being dragged by the scent of cheese. 🪤

A while ago, I saw a TikTok I found hilarious in which the guy said something along the lines of next time someone gives you a hard time about wearing a mask, take it off and tell them you’re relieved to finally meet someone who doesn’t care that you’ve got Covid. It’s been living rent-free in my head for a few months. 😏 Fortunately, I’ve only encountered kind people who are either wearing their own mask or minding their own business… until yesterday. 🙃

We’d gone to Joann without incident, but I wasn’t able to find everything I wanted. So we headed to Hobby Lobby. And that’s where I made a fRiEnD. 👀 It wasn’t all that busy and I noticed this woman who seemed to be following me. 🤨 {We’ve talked about my trust issues bordering on paranoia, so I never call people out. 😝} But as I traveled to the back corner of the store, leaving Chuck an aisle or 2 back, my new friend continued to follow me. She kept staring at me. 😯 She penetrated my personal bubble, 😳 for which I’ve been a proponent since waaaay before social distancing became cool. 😱 Then, she proceeded to point her talons at my face and demand, “Why do you wear that?”

I wear a sarcastic cat mask, {see below} so it occasionally draws attention. 😸 And, being an alum of the School of Awkward, I realize that not everyone is super smooth in social situations. Feeling relieved that she was only intrigued by my cat mask, I smiled and explained that I love cats and my mask helps me express that. 😁

Me and my snarky cat mask.

She was not satisfied. 🥸 “Why do you even wear a mask? YOU PEOPLE are the reason they keep bitching about this damned virus. If YOU PEOPLE are scared, you need to stay home so the rest of us can live life!” 😵‍💫

Shots fired! ❤️‍🔥

Trigger engaged! ⚠️

Prepare for fight 🥊 or flight.🏃‍♀️

YOU PEOPLE? Did this individual just call me a “you people?” 😤

Also… why is that one of the specific phrases that triggers me? Perhaps this warrants more self exploration. 🧐 I’ll add it to my list. 😉

But back to my adventure. I promise, you guys, I really try to be therapeutic in my communication. I try to remain calm and composed, at least on the outside. 🙈 I try to understand feelings behind statements, not just words. I try to be compassionate and empathetic, instead of emotional and defensive. It requires A LOT of conscious and intentional effort. 😓

But ya know what? I’m tired. I’m stressed out. I’m struggling. I take an exam every other week. I have empathy fatigue. And some days are just plain better than others. 😮‍💨

So, I chose violence. Not physically, but like verbal Kung fu. I usually take the high road, but occasionally I get altitude sickness and have to make a U-turn. 🤢 I’ll try again a different day. 🥴

Remembering my little TikTok video, I got really close to my aggressive friend, snatched my mask off, and said “Thank You! I’m so glad you’re not worried about me being positive for Covid. The doctor told me to quarantine for 2 weeks. But this is America and I’ll go out if I want! Everyone is gonna catch it eventually.” 🧐

She seemed troubled when she left me. 🙃 Chuck caught the last couple minutes and asked what I did. 😵 He said I have a problem and asked me why I’m always starting 💩. All I know is that I wanted to stay home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some studying to do. Particularly in the therapeutic communication department. 🤐

I Was Going To, Until You Asked Me To

Have you ever gotten irritated or frustrated when someone asked you to do something that you were already going to do? It seems so petty. But I do this… like a lot. 😬 And I’ve never really understood why. 🤔 What difference does it really make if I’m just taking the initiative to do something or if someone is politely making the suggestion, without realizing I was already intending to do it?

I mean it’s not like my husband has inadvertently ruined his own surprise party by asking me to make a credit card payment I had already made a note to pay. It’s not like the coworker who asks me to call EVS about a spill, while I’m already dialing the number about that same spill is trying to be patronizing or condescending. And let’s be real. I don’t care how close we are or how long you’ve known me. No one can read my mind. 👀 Literally nobody has any idea what the circus of hamsters is doing on their tiny wheels in inside my head at any given moment. 🐹 I can barely keep up. 😂

But that’s neither here nor there. 🙃

The weird, unsettling aggravation from someone asking you to do something, especially if you were already going to do it, or in the process of said activity, stems from something called Psychological Reactance. 👩🏻‍🏫 It’s REALLY prevalent in adolescence. 🤓 And it’s something a lot of us need to explore. 🧐

Basically, when we feel like our competence, independence, or freedom is questioned or threatened, we’re compelled to respond with disdain and/or rebellion. Now, as a teenager, that all works out fine{ish}. Depending on who you ask. 😏

Because as a teenager, Mom might say something like, “Cody, please start a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher, and take out the trash before I get back from grocery shopping.” If Cody was already planning to do those things to help or surprise Mom and she didn’t realize it, he might be slightly offended or resentful that Mom robbed him of the opportunity to prove he could do things without being told or reminded. As a result he might react by grunting, groaning, and doing a less than stellar job. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the end, Mom would be a little upset, and he might lose a privilege or two, but she would continue to love, feed, shelter, and care for him.

As an adult, on the other hand, rebellion doesn’t really work. The consequences are much greater. 😵‍💫 I mean, I could pout and ignore the credit card payment, but then I’m hit with late fees and interest and what not. And if I rebel against a reasonable request at work, aside from having to come to terms with the fact that I’d be behaving like a selfish, spoiled child, 👎🏻 I could put someone in danger, get written up, get fired, or all of the above. 🙈

Interestingly, I’m not just the victim of these situations. I’m also frequently an aggressor. 🙊 I know, I know!

You would think, as someone who routinely reminds other people to do things they may have already been doing or had on their list, I’d be able to give a little grace. 🥴 I told you we needed to explore this. 💁🏻‍♀️

So, here’s the thing. In order to stop feeling attacked when someone makes a request, you need to do a couple things.

1.) You have to take some personal responsibility. Remember how we were talking about people not being able to read my mind. Well, they can’t read yours either. So, take a few minutes to let people know what you’re planning to do. Instead of, “Stop nagging me about getting my eyes checked. I scheduled the exam for Tuesday.” Try, “Hey, I’m calling this afternoon to schedule an appointment to get my eye exam, I’ll let you know when the appointment is.” Or if you’re a teenager, instead of, “Ugh! Stop hounding me. I was gonna do the dishes after my show. Jeez.” {And let’s be honest, were you? 🤨} WELL BEFORE the time comes, try, “I’ll do the dishes tonight so you can relax. But do you mind if I watch ‘Never Have I Ever’ first?” Or whatever you guys watch… I’m sorry. I’m old. I have no idea. 😑

2.) You have to honestly consider some of the reasons why people guide, direct, and remind you about things.

• Anxiety: (Controlling your behavior reduces their worries. e.g. helicopter parents.😰)

• Perfectionism: (“I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong, but can I just show you the *right* way?” 😏)

• Ego/Self Importance: (I’m superior to you and I need you to acknowledge it. See mansplaining. 🙄)

• Genuine Concern & Helpfulness: The person wants to prevent you from incurring a penalty or punishment or losing time (like when a fellow nursing student casually sends you a reminder the night before big assignments are due. 🙋🏻‍♀️) {Anyone on the receiving end of this one, please don’t block me. 😬}

• They’ve “Seen Your Work”: If you have any history, large or small, recent or ancient, of missing or forgetting things, they might think you will always need some extra help. If you work at this, you can prove yourself, but it may take a long time. 🕰

Regardless of their reason for asking, prompting, or reminding, when you get upset, you’re reacting on presumptions that they’re questioning your abilities and/or threatening your freedom of choice.

If you do a little conscious work and reframe things, you’ll find that the majority of the time, that’s not the case.

Instead, you have to train yourself to respond, rather than reacting.

This could be as simple as saying, “Thanks, it’s already on my list.” Or “Great minds think alike. I’m already on it.” Alternatively, if it seems like it IS a negative situation, probe a little deeper. “Why are you reminding me to do something I’ve scheduled on my calendar and consistently done in the past. Has something changed?”

Perhaps something has changed. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe there’s a new due date or something. Maybe the person reminding you is anxious about forgetting things and projecting that onto you.

I won’t lie, though. There’s also a slim chance they’re actually alluding to your incompetence, as you suspected. 😒 But it’s the exception, not the rule. 😉 Either way, it’s better to evaluate things and respond accordingly than to react {or overreact} to unconfirmed presumptions.

There’s a lot less seething rage bubbling beneath your surface, raising your blood pressure and trying to give you an ulcer or a heart attack that way. 🫀

Positive Vibes & Other Punishable Crimes

Normal is a weird, extremely subjective thing. Certain ideas or activities I believe are perfectly ‘normal’ could be completely bizarre to other people and vice versa.

But here’s the thing, how would you ever know? If a belief or thought was passed down for generations, and it had never come into question, how would you know? 🤔

Unless someone with a different perspective mentioned it or asked about it, you wouldn’t. Now, before you guys try to launch an investigation to uncover bodies buried in my family’s backyard or some other such atrocity, please save your energy. I promise, we’re really not that intriguing. 😂

But give me a minute to explain this ‘normal’ I was raised with that I’m still struggling to overcome. Maybe you can even relate. ☺️

Like a lot of people, I was taught a lot of well-intentioned childhood lessons that somehow got misconstrued or just totally went awry. For instance, I struggle with making eye contact, being assertive, and really just taking up any space, 😬 because I was taught so many things were impolite. I never participated in any sort of athletics and couldn’t wear certain things because it wasn’t “ladylike.” 🙄

But what I’m currently having an issue with is something I hadn’t even noticed until recently.

I’m a fairly upbeat, positive person. I make my share of sarcastic or cynical comments, but that’s one of my coping mechanisms to deflect when things are getting too serious and uncomfortable. 🙃 {Think of it like a love language. 😘} But mostly, I try to see the sunshine through the clouds and look for rainbows after the storms. 🌈

I’m the first one to encourage other people and tell them how amazing they are or how awesome they’re going to do. But I also use a lot of negative self talk. Which is a really big issue. Because while I have incredibly supportive friends and family, 🙌🏻 that inner voice is the one that’s loudest. 😕

It’s really become noticeable when I prepare to take an exam. It seems like everyone can make the declaration that they are going to do well on the exam… everyone, but me. 🙈

It doesn’t make any difference how much I’ve studied, how prepared I feel, or how well I’ve done on other assignments or exams. Under no circumstances can I utter those words. 👀

Why? Because I was taught, from a very young age, that in making such statements, not only was I making other people feel bad or inadequate, but I was also being boastful. 🧐 I was to always be modest about my skills, knowledge, and abilities. No one ever differentiated between boasting and self affirmation. But they were very clear that boasting or bragging would be swiftly punished. And let me tell you, that was horrifying. 😰

It’s a good thing I’m an adult now and not the least bit superstitious or irrational. I’m now well aware that nothing will happen from speaking these things. 😆

But also,

and hear me out… 👀

Like, what if it does? 🤯

What if insinuating that I might be prepared for and actually do well on a test I’m about to take angers the entire universe and irreversibly sets in motion a course of events that none of us has ever experienced or prepared to face? 😱

How does one recover from that? I’ve gotta level with you. 2020 and 2021 have been just awful. 😳 What if it’s even worse than that? 🥴 Could you imagine? 😱

For all of our continued wellbeing and safety, I think I’ll just stay the course. But thanks for listening. 👍🏻

Faith Over Fear

Image credit: @johnpavlovitz

I’ve addressed some concerns about vaccines. I’ve discussed the origins of some well-known conspiracy theories. But I want to talk about something else that’s been bothering me lately.

I know everyone has different reasons for taking various precautions or not, wearing a mask or not, getting the vaccine or not, taking this #pandemic seriously or not. That’s your right and your privilege. Your reasons are your own. I’m not here to debate that with you. It’s not the topic of this post.

Today, I want to talk about #FaithOverFear and how using that ideology as a justification for NOT taking appropriate measures against a VERY REAL, VERY DEADLY #virus is one of the most egocentric and counterintuitive arguments.

Not only does it effectively absolve a person of any responsibility to protect themselves or others, it also completely disregards the hundreds of thousands of individuals who have DIED or are currently fighting FOR THEIR LIVES, who may ALSO have or have had unshakable faith. It’s like saying your faith is greater or somehow more worthy than theirs. Which is incredibly audacious and contemptuous.

You can have faith in God and still care about others. If I’m not mistaken, that’s a pretty big deal to him. I remember something about loving your neighbor. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Is that still a thing, or nah?

I know everything happens for a reason. But I also believe that sometimes that reason is because people are selfish and have no regard for human life. Do your part. It’s not hard.

I said what I said.

The Secondary Pandemic

I’m sure a lot of people are sick of my posts lately. Because they’re not my usual lighthearted, sarcastic, and comical posts. And I’m very sorry. I’ve been on my soapbox a lot lately. Because I’m tired. So very tired. Tired of conspiracy theories, half-truths, and blatant lies. People 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 dying 👏🏻 at 👏🏻 an 👏🏻 alarming 👏🏻 rate! 👏🏻

But some people care more about disproving reports from scientists and medical professionals and trying to convince themselves and others that the reality we are seeing and experiencing simply DOES NOT EXIST. It is heartbreaking. It is disgusting. And it is physically, mentally, and emotionally EXHAUSTING.

So, I started wondering, what happened to us? How did we get here? In the age of technology, with a world of information at our fingertips, why are we drowning in a sea of misinformation— and disinformation?

It actually started very small. Did you know that just 12 people (known as The ‘Disinformation Dozen‘) are responsible for authoring approximately 65% of the misleading claims, debunked myths, and outright lies about vaccines and other popular conspiracy theories that proliferate on social media? 🤯

But why? Who are these people? And what are their motives? 🤔 They are self proclaimed activists, pseudoscience entrepreneurs, osteopathic & homeopathic specialists, chiropractors, and one is even an OB/GYN. Motives: $$$ – They pedal a variety of books, videos, courses, dietary supplements, and other merchandise that just doesn’t sell as well when we don’t buy into their claims.

Their main complaint when their content is flagged or an account is removed for violating guidelines? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not that they’re worried about public welfare. It’s that the loss of their ‘donate’ or ‘buy now’ buttons is costing them hundreds of thousands of dollars. 😒

These individuals are very clever. Their information usually begins with a fragment of truth. One of their favorite sources may surprise you. It’s VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System), run by the United States Health and Human Services. This factual database tracks ALL adverse events related to vaccines. The literal purpose of the database is public transparency. To help consumers make informed decisions.

Contrary to popular belief, no one is trying to hide vaccine side effects, injuries or adverse reactions. They are all public record, available for anyone to view.

So, this real and accurate information is one source, per se’… But much like playing telephone, what was originally published scarcely resembles what gets posted and shared, and the longer it circulates, the less truth there is.

This is where the controversial social media campaigns began. They started to fact-check, remove content, add disclaimers to posts, and even temporarily or permanently ban accounts in an effort to combat a secondary pandemic: misinformation.

Now, you might be thinking it’s wrong to censor people just because they disagree with you. What about the first amendment? I hear you. Really, I do. So please hear me. This is NOT about a difference of opinion. Let me explain.

I don’t like coffee. {Sorry} Lot’s of people think coffee is amazing. That’s their OPINION. Do you see how neither of us agreeing or disagreeing about that is in any way harmful to anyone? {save for the stock prices at Starbucks} I am also a cat person. Some people prefer the company of dogs, birds, fish, rabbits, gerbils, Guinea pigs, sugar gliders, lizards, snakes, questionably obtained exotic pets, or an assortment of other creatures. Pet, feed, cuddle, and spoil whatever makes you happy. {I respectfully request that you do not introduce it to me if it has a forked tongue, 🦎 more than 4 legs 🕷 or less than 2. 🐍 😬} I also don’t care whether you’re a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent, or voted for Kanye. 🤷🏻‍♀️

See? But the more I read, the more I get the feeling that a lot of people were either out sick or just not paying attention the day they covered facts vs. opinions. So, here’s a little refresher. By definition, an opinion is 1.) a belief or judgment that rests on grounds INSUFFICIENT TO PRODUCE CERTAINTY. 2.) a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

An opinion CANNOT be right or wrong. Because it’s subjective, based entirely on personal preferences, beliefs, and feelings. If you heard someone tell a kid he was wrong because he said his favorite color was green. You’d be like, “How’s he wrong? That’s his opinion. Take a lap, Jim Bob.” Because that’s not how opinions work.

So, I hope you understand when I tell you I do not care if we share the same opinions. It’s great to have things in common with other people. But I don’t expect or want to live in a boring echo chamber, where everyone thinks exactly like me on every matter. That sounds dreadful. How would we ever learn or grow if we were all surrounded by people who just blindly agreed about everything and there were no alternative perspectives to consider?

I welcome civil conversation, open dialogue, differing thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. We can have professional relationships, and close friendships, despite and often because of diverse opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. That’s our right. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

But we also need to realize that none of us exists in a vacuum. One person’s rights END where another’s BEGIN. Thus, what I do NOT feel we are entitled to do is share OPINIONS that can endanger other people because they’ve been MISREPRESENTED as facts.

Moreover, the First Amendment is designed to further the pursuit of TRUTH, not to protect those who willfully and egregiously engage in slander or libel, especially those who display actual malice by knowingly publishing false information or publishing information with reckless disregard for the truth.

So, when doing research to decide if the vaccine or ANYTHING ELSE is the right choice for you, please consider the source of the information you reference, as well as its credibility and motivations. And look at facts, rather than opinions. 💗

To V or Not To V?

Alas, poor Yorick. No plague for you.

This is going to be an uncomfortable post. But I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and I want to talk about two of the most common {and what I feel are truly legitimate} concerns that keep surfacing when people discuss their fears and concerns surrounding the COVID vaccine.

A lot of people are not traditional antivaxxers. They have had all of their immunizations, immunize(d) their children, and even get annual flu shots. They have never had any doubts about the necessity or safety of any vaccine — until now. But why? What makes the COVID vaccine any different?

One of the most prominent concerns is that there’s not enough research. I truly mean no disrespect, so I hope no one takes offense. But I must ask, how much research would be satisfactory?

A common misconception is that, in the shadows, some government figures surreptitiously and hastily threw something together and called it a vaccine. Which honestly sounds just horrifying. I wholeheartedly agree. Who would willing volunteer to get in line for that mess?

Fortunately, that’s not how this works… that’s not how any of this works.

Now, you might be wondering, if it wasn’t just thrown together, how was a vaccine for a brand new virus manufactured so quickly? It’s a valid question.

The answer isn’t the huge secret conspiracy that some have suggested.

For one thing, while SARS-CoV-2 {the virus that causes Covid-19} may be new, Coronaviruses, as a whole, are not.

Virologists and immunologists have learned a tremendous amount from more than twenty years of research on earlier coronaviruses, like the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) virus and the virus that causes Middle East respiratory syndrome (MERS), as well as the seasonal coronaviruses. They know considerably more about their transmission and their vulnerabilities, crucial information that is key to a successful vaccine.

Moreover, think about technology. Not just medical technology, but technology, in general. From manufacturing electronics, cars, and airplanes, to constructing homes, skyscrapers, and bridges, things that once took years or even decades can now be completed in a matter of months, weeks, or days. Because the foundational knowledge that has been gained and the processes that have been developed, over time, have made things much more efficient.

Thanks to trial and error, the blood, sweat, and tears of those who worked so tirelessly before us, and advancements in science and technology, we haven’t had to start from scratch with a lot of things in a very long time.

This is what happened with the Covid-19 vaccines. They did not just appear from nowhere. They weren’t the products of a few guys in a grimy basement somewhere, throwing ingredients together, hoping no one would notice that they had no idea what they were doing.

Decades of research by tens of thousands of well-educated, highly respected scientists from all over the world is what put in place the essential knowledge and methods responsible for the rapid development of these lifesaving vaccines.

Still, research is just one concern. The other issue many are grappling with is the lack of FDA approval.

I feel compelled to take a moment to mention that I find it interesting that none of us has really seemed all that bothered about vitamins, herbals, and dietary supplements, or the variety of mixes, powders, potions, pills, and oils, etc. that our friends, family members, and/or celebs are trying to pedal to us that are ALSO not approved or even regulated by the FDA, which also may have unknown long term effects. But that’s just my opinion, so I’ll try to keep my whataboutisms to a minimum.

Back to the facts…

If the main thing that makes you pause about getting the vaccine for yourself or supporting that decision from people you care about is its lack of FDA approval, there’s good news on the way.

Pfizer and Moderna are working on their status.

According to the FDA, for a drug to be approved it needs to have at least 6 months of data proving that the benefits outweigh the known and potential risks. 6 months worth of data obviously wasn’t available until recently.

Pfizer and Moderna both received their emergency use authorization in December 2020.

Pfizer moved quickly, submitting its application for full approval on May 7. Which they talk about in this press release.

Moderna wasn’t as quick, but submitted theirs on June 1st. Which you can read about in their own press release.

J&J, on the other hand, got the green light in late February, but has yet to file for full approval, although they reportedly have pLaNs to do so “lAtEr” in 2021, whatever that means. 🤨

There was originally discussion about expediting full approval. But after things were so heavily politicized, they had concerns that moving too quickly would erode more trust in vaccines just when we need them most. 

Still, it takes so long to grant full approval that a lot of people seem to be under the impression that the FDA has reservations about doing so at all. A lot of the unvaccinated individuals I’ve spoken with have cited concerns about the length of time it’s taking. They feel like there must be problems no one wants to tell us about.

Although there are cases of vaccine injuries and adverse reactions, they are published for all the world to see. The real problem is we just aren’t used to watching and waiting {like watching paint dry} as they go through their entire approval process. It’s usually happening in the background. Under normal circumstances, most of us may not even hear about a drug or vaccine until it’s been fully approved. So we aren’t familiar with things.

But it is a lengthy ordeal. Like I mentioned earlier, manufacturers can’t submit their application until they have at least 6 months of data. Once they satisfy that threshold, they can complete and submit their application. Then it can take another six months to a year for the FDA to scrutinize all the required supporting documentation, before they can reach a decision. That review process includes comprehensive reviews of clinical trial data and expert reports; inspection of equipment and manufacturing facilities; and multiple meetings with company executives.

This long and arduous process is why they opted for the emergency use authorization in the interim. They are currently deep in the process, so hopefully full approval will happen soon to put more people at ease.

Whether or not you choose to get the vaccine, I respect your decision. I hope this information can help provide some perspective and ease some of the concerns so many of us are having. Please stay safe and take care yourselves. 💗

Rabbit Holes Everywhere

Can we talk about my warped ADHD brain and the strange, winding paths it takes me down, for a few minutes? 🤨

Yesterday, I got a confirmation about some funds being deposited in the next day or so. So, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I thought I would login to see if the money was in my account to offset the unsettling cost of my textbooks these days. 🥴 It wasn’t. 😝

But thinking about money immediately made my brain, in her infinite wisdom, sing, “Wait till I get my money right.” From Kanye’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothing.” 😂

From there, Brain was like, “Hmm, I wonder how ole Kanye is doing since his mental health episode last year.” 🤔 So, Brain and I googled him. Unfortunately, in the 0.000038 seconds it took for the results to be retrieved, Brain had already lost interest. 🙄

Brain was now thinking about a different celebrity’s mental health: Britney Spears. Of course, Brain and I googled he. Now Google is quick, but apparently not quite quick enough. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Because in the 0.000024 seconds it took to fetch Britney’s progress with her conservatorship, Brain had started wandering off like an unsupervised kid at Disneyland. 🤯

Now, Brain was reminiscing about our youth. Those glorious carefree days when our hair was full of butterfly clips and Britney was at the top of her game. 🥰 So Brain started singing “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” And let me tell you, if Brain were within reach, I would have. 😒

But then, Brain caught a glimpse of our reflection and was like, “Wait, why are we naked?”🤔 Reminding me that I actually came here to take a freaking shower. 🚿 And finally, around 40 minutes after I walked into the bathroom, I did. 🤪

This type of thing is not that unusual for me. Which is why I want to make a public statement. If anything ever happens to prompt forensic analysts to delve into my search history, please know that I was mostly normal, but I was also at the mercy of an easily distracted, rabbit hole chasing brain. 🧠