The past couple weeks has been tough, but I’m surviving. 🙃 My trigeminal neuralgia flared up on my birthday 😭 (last weekend) and refused to let up. My neurologist had no availability for a few weeks and since it was painful, but tolerable, I was just {not so} patiently waiting… until yesterday morning when I started having nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and tremors, 🤪🥊 which is outside of my norm for these attacks. 😯 So, I reluctantly decided to visit the ER to see if things were more serious than I originally thought.

The ER turned out to be a great decision. As I would have hoped, the ER care team at Gulf Coast was incredibly attentive and compassionate. After some scans, labs, and meds, I achieved relief that I haven’t experienced since mid August. 🙌🏻 And I was finally able to focus my undivided attention on nursing school material. 😌

This morning, I tested my knowledge when I took my first exam for Foundations of Nursing. I always anticipate that my first test in any course will be a challenge because I never have any idea what to expect. But I’ve gotta level with you; nursing school is not for the faint of heart and I’m not wholly certain it gets any better. 👀 Nursing school questions are infamous, and for good reason. They are the epitome of evil. 😂

Sooooooo many correct answers, but which is the MOST correct? Does that term mean what I think it means? What DO I think it means? 🧐 Was that information even discussed during our lectures? Were there secret lectures no one told me about? Are they meeting behind my back? 😭 And did I mention how much I LOATHE the “select all that apply” questions? 😫😤 They ALLLLL apply! 😳 Or do they? Is that one there to trip me up? Do they just want me to tHiNk it’s only there to trip me up? Maybe they realized I would discover such a ruse and it’s actually right. 🤔

Did I even get accepted to the nursing program at all or is this all part of the elaborate social experiment that is 2020? 😧 Are they watching me squirm via clandestine webcam. 👀 Is this the sort of rabbit hole that leads one to become one of those tinfoil hat people? T🕳🐇 Why is my brain suddenly a useless gelatinous lump of ignorance and conspiracies? Where’s all that important information I’ve been learning in preparation for this exam? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, is it just me or is my heartbeat super loud? 🤕 Has it always been this loud? Can everyone else hear it? If I pass out, we’re all CPR certified, but I don’t know if any of us has ever practiced on a real person. Is this how I die? 😵 They say nursing school has never killed anyone? 💀 Is that true? Citation needed! 😬

Somehow, in spite of myself, I managed to complete the exam. And I did alright. Not horrible, not outstanding — just alright. I made an 80. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Don’t get me wrong, I know I could have done much worse. I convinced myself that this first exam would be a miserable failure, so the fact that I did better than a 70 is highly encouraging. 🥰

I’ve devoted my entire life to supporting people and building others up. My absolute favorite thing is to tell someone how amazing they are. People 👏🏻 need 👏🏻 and 👏🏻 deserve 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 hear 👏🏻 it! 👏🏻

All the while, I consistently tell myself I suck and I will never be good enough. 🙃 Good enough for what, exactly? I have no idea. 🤪 I can’t explain why I’m not kinder to myself. I’m my toughest critic and I’m always struggling with my own {mostly unrealistic and unattainable} standards. 🙄 If I can just get out of my own head and out of my own way, I will do great things… Stay tuned. 😘